You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
