Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
soo... how was my night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize