Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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