i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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