wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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