Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
