I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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