girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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