Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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