...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
