i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
