you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
