if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
