Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am naked and annoyed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
