I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
