I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm at about main and main street
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
