Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
