Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
