He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
