He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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