True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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