Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
