Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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