sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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