I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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