a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
