Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
