If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
