yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
