im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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