I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
