Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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