Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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