Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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