did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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