Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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