there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
