I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize