I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
