i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
