Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize