one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
COCAINE IS GR8
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
