I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
