how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
