Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
