i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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