my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
