Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
