Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
