College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
