I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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