I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
