No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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