Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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