My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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