At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
