You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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