do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
