well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
