i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pants are for mortals
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
