sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
