I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
