Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
