I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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