well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
