Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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