anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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