Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
