I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
